Ask Ali Real Mom Daily

Dear Ali,

I make resolutions every year. Go to the gym five days a week. Stop eating carbs. Organize my home office. Stop yelling at my kids. Stop saying yes to the PTA every time they ask me to do something. And by March or late January, I’ve blown them all. I really do want to make these changes, but I can’t stick with it. I cave. Help!

Failure by Spring

 

 

Dear Spring,

It’s admirable to have these big goals. And the fact that you make it even a few weeks is pride-worthy!  But maybe you are putting too big a burden on yourself. How about making small, reachable goals? You won’t feel like a failure, and you’ll be working toward your goal.

How about committing to do 30 minutes of exercise three days a week? Go for a power walk. Hula-hoop during your favorite television show.  Or, if you can afford it, go to the gym.  

Rather than completely omitting carbs, maybe skip carbs Monday through Friday. Stop eating sugar that’s not naturally occurring in fruit. Or, pay attention to what you are eating and cut back on simple carbs.

Organizing your home office can seem daunting. Do one surface a day. Or take one side of the room at a time.

As far as the PTA and other people who ask for time and services, tell them you need 24 hours to think about it. Then you can make a conscious decision to say yes or no. Or perhaps modify the request. I’ll be happy to bake for the bake sale, but I’m not able to run it this year. I will run the Gala, but then I can’t make any other commitments this year. Or, this year I will donate money, not time.

Not yelling at your kids is a good one, but you need tools. Take a breath. Take a time out, Mom. Count to 10. Close your eyes. You’ve got this. You can practice these tools until they become habits and you find yourself automatically taking a breath before you explode. And then, you don’t. You will be able to think before you respond to your child.

Finally, write down your goals. Decide which are most important to you. Ask yourself if they are reasonable and attainable. Then do it. Make a commitment to yourself! Making more achievable goals and therefore reaching them will inspire you to add more to your list.  

Wishing you a 2017 of many achieved reachable small goals.  

Send in your questions for our resident family counselor to
AskAli@RealMomDaily.com

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Author: Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

Ali Dubin, M.A., CPC is a psychospiritual, humanistic, intuitive, practical counselor and life coach working with individuals, couples, and families in southern California or by video all over the world. She lectures on love, self-love, giving and receiving love, and on love languages. Ali has worked with LGBTQ families for more than 25 years. She is also a professional freelance portrait photographer, a Second City-trained improviser, proficient in American Sign Language, and best of all, a mom to two daughters. She is currently completing her doctorate in Psychology-Marriage and Family Therapy. https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/277656 View all posts by Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

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