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Hi Ali,
I’m new to the dating world. Rumor has it that when it comes to maintenance “down there,” ladies are waxing IT off.  Let’s just say I might be called “the one with the grove.” Having never really thought about it—unless I was having a hard time tucking the bush into my swimsuit in the summer—I don’t know what to do. Perhaps in my 25 years of being off the market, the norms have changed. I am now questioning what I should do and how to process it when the time comes when I may be consider allowing a wanderer in the forest.

All of it? Really? This is news to me! It really is a matter of personal preference. How do you like it? I will admit, I hear many guys these days (usually much younger) prefer it neatly trimmed. But the right guy/gal won’t even care. The right person will love all of you the way you love all of you –  however hairy or not. Waxing is pretty painful and needs frequent painful maintenance. If you choose removal, you might consider laser if you can afford it. If you are light-skinned with dark hair, you are the perfect candidate. A few visits, and you don’t have to worry about it too much again.

The other option is to just be you. There are plenty of men and women out there who will just be happy to have access! They don’t care about the hair. And why aren’t we discussing this about men? Don’t they realize that a little trim makes them look longer? And no one wants a mouthful of hair. But if it is clean and soft, who cares? Besides, I hear pubic hair may be making a comeback.

You are a rockstar! I applaud you for getting back out there and dating after 25 years. That is scary, I know. A lot has changed in 25 years – a  lot. Take it slow. Be safe! Be smart. And most of all, be yourself. If you are happy being the one with the grove, be her! The right person will love your grove, because it’s on you.

“Rumor has it that when it comes to maintenance “down there,” ladies are waxing IT off.  Let’s just say I might be called “the one with the grove.” Having never really thought about it—unless I was having a hard time tucking the bush into my swimsuit in the summer—I don’t know what to do.”

“Rather than telling Dad “no,” how about you sit down and explain why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him how important it is for your son to call him Grandpa (which I am assuming, since your mom is Grandma).”

Dear Ali,
My child is a year and a half. As he is learning to speak, I am teaching him the agreed upon names he should call different family members: My mom = Grandma. My sister = Auntee … and so on. We’re doing great with one exception … my dad. He is insisting on having my son call him Dada or Papa. For obvious reasons, this is making me feel uncomfortable. I have heard other kids using these terms for a grandparent but personally it does not sit right with me. How do I go about telling him, with love, NO?

Kids will usually, but not always, mimic you. For example, if you call his dad Daddy, he will usually pick up on that and say something similar like Daddy, Dada, or Da. If you tell your son to call him Daddy, and you call him Frank, guess what your son will call him?

I grew up with a friend who had a grandmother who felt like she was too young to be called Grandma, so she insisted they call her by her first name. The kids obliged, but they never felt like she was a grandma to them. I wanted my kids to call me Mommy, or Mom – anything but Mama! And what did they end up calling me, all on their own? Mama. Here’s your dad, who wants to be a grandpa, but you don’t want your son to call him what he wants to be called. I can understand not wanting him called Dada. That’s a little too close to Dad. But Papa could be father or grandfather. I called both my grandfathers Papa. I’m guessing the problem is that you think that sounds more like a father? Honestly, you just never know what your son will end up using. It could be Boo Boo or Gaga. Seriously, sometimes kids just make up their own minds about names.

The issue here sounds more like you want to decide what your dad is called. But I think more importantly, your dad wants to be an active part of your son’s life. Rather than telling Dad “no,” how about you sit down and explain why it makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him how important it is for your son to call him Grandpa (which I am assuming, since your mom is Grandma). Maybe the two of you can brainstorm some other ideas. Chances are, that at a year and a half, your son already has a name for him upon which you both might have to agree to honor your son, and his choice.

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Author: Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

Ali Dubin, M.A., CPC is a psychospiritual, humanistic, intuitive, practical counselor and life coach working with individuals, couples, and families in southern California or by video all over the world. She lectures on love, self-love, giving and receiving love, and on love languages. Ali has worked with LGBTQ families for more than 25 years. She is also a professional freelance portrait photographer, a Second City-trained improviser, proficient in American Sign Language, and best of all, a mom to two daughters. She is currently completing her doctorate in Psychology-Marriage and Family Therapy. https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/277656 View all posts by Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

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