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Dear Ali,
What if right now my life is as good as it will ever get? I wanted so much more. I dreamed of a successful career. I hoped motherhood would have been more enjoyable. How do I find peace with my life as it is?

Sigh. I’m so sorry you aren’t feeling happy and satisfied. That’s no fun.

Motherhood certainly has its ups and downs. The big obvious rewards are often few and infrequent. You may need to look outside your child(ren) for your source of joy, growth, and enrichment. Take a class! Get some fresh air and exercise. Do yoga. Meditate. Do something for someone else. A lot of people find service to others highly rewarding. But, be sure to fill up your IN basket with things that bring YOU joy. You cannot give what you do not have.

I’m wondering if you are active on social media. It’s hard not to have a fear you’re missing out when you see just the highlight reel of someone else’s life. It’s a challenge not to assume it’s an accurate reflection of what they are really feeling and doing. But try not to compare yourself to others, especially if all you are seeing is a tiny all-happy glimpse into their world.

It’s never too late! You can still create a successful career. Joy Behar was a high school teacher until she was 40. Julia Child didn’t cook French food until she was 36. Laura Ingalls didn’t publish a book until she was 65. Estelle Getty wasn’t on TV until she was 62.

You might consider going see a doctor to have your hormone levels tested, or get checked out for possible low-grade depression.

It’s not so much about finding peace with life as it is, but enacting positive changes in your life so that there is an abundance of peace and joy to be found. It’s about perspective and opportunity. Finding gratitude is a way you can find peace and happiness with your life. Notice and cherish the little bits of joy when you are fully present in each activity. It’s even possible to enjoy the mundane like folding laundry or washing dishes.


Author: Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

Ali Dubin, M.A., CPC is a psychospiritual, humanistic, intuitive, practical counselor and life coach working with individuals, couples, and families in southern California or by video all over the world. She lectures on love, self-love, giving and receiving love, and on love languages. Ali has worked with LGBTQ families for more than 25 years. She is also a professional freelance portrait photographer, a Second City-trained improviser, proficient in American Sign Language, and best of all, a mom to two daughters. She is currently completing her doctorate in Psychology-Marriage and Family Therapy. View all posts by Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

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