Dear Ali,

My son, who just turned 30, has been exclusively dating a woman in her late 40s for the past several months. I know he wants a family, and she’s already had one, so I don’t get it. Also, how can that even work? They can’t have anything in common! He says it’s not forever, but that he really likes her. I’m trying to keep my mouth shut, but it’s not easy.


Dear Mom,

I love that you are concerned about your son’s happiness. I’m sure you must love and care about him immensely. But he’s obviously more happy than not or he wouldn’t be with her. Something brought them together. And something has kept them together, exclusively, I might add, for this long. Maybe they share a love of music or theater. Maybe they enjoy the same type of exercise together. Maybe it’s actually their differences that make it interesting. I’d like to add that they might be a match for physical reasons, but since you’re Mom, I won’t (wink wink).

No relationship is forever. Even if you marry, it isn’t a guarantee of forever. So, let this woman be his “right now” and let them enjoy each other for as long as it lasts. Keep your negative thoughts to yourself. It’s his relationship, not yours. Be happy that he is happy. And if it doesn’t last, you can be there to support him then, too.

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Author: Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

Ali Dubin, M.A., CPC is a psychospiritual, humanistic, intuitive, practical counselor and life coach working with individuals, couples, and families in southern California or by video all over the world. She lectures on love, self-love, giving and receiving love, and on love languages. Ali has worked with LGBTQ families for more than 25 years. She is also a professional freelance portrait photographer, a Second City-trained improviser, proficient in American Sign Language, and best of all, a mom to two daughters. She is currently completing her doctorate in Psychology-Marriage and Family Therapy. View all posts by Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

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