I left flustered and bothered. What was going on with me? My body? And why was I turned on by a guy totally against my George Clooney type?


Are you asking yourself, Why is My Sex Drive Like a Teen Aged Boy’s? You’re not alone, and this is (just one!) of my stories. I was at Trader Joe’s conducting my weekly shopping. I was a good mother, a good wife, making sure the kids got wholesome foods, milk, eggs. Thinking wholesome, organic thoughts about lunches, dinners, and treats for when the kids behaved. I was struck first by his scent, a mix of cooler antifreeze and Old Spice. “Manly,” I thought. Suddenly he was next to me, stocking fresh milk, creamers and yogurts into the cooler. I glanced in his direction and wham! My whole body went on alert and I was turned on. His long, sinewy arms were strong, lithe with the hint of a tattoo on his upper left bicep. Each time he lifted and placed a gallon of milk into the cooler, I thought I would swoon and fall right into his arms. As they used to say in the old movies, I got hit with the “vapors.” What was it about this particular guy? I had seen him a dozen times before at Trader Joe’s, he was not my “type” at all. He was tall, thin, tan, had super long hair in a ponytail, but as far as my body was concerned at that moment, he had it totally going on and I was totally turned on!

I left flustered and bothered. What was going on with me? My body? And why was I turned on by a guy totally against my George Clooney type?

If this is happening to you or has happened to you, it’s all good news, good news and a little bad news. If you’re in your mid 30’s to your mid 40’s you may suddenly find a definite increase in your sex drive, your sexual fantasies and your need for sex. On the flipside your hormones and fertility are beginning to decrease. What does increased sexual drive have to do with a decrease in hormones and fertility? According to a study by the University of Texas, “Women with declining fertility think more about sex, have more frequent and intense sexual fantasies, are more willing to engage in sexual intercourse, and report actually engaging in sexual intercourse more frequently than women of other age groups,” the study authors say. They believe evolutionary forces are what actually push women to be more sexual and to increase occurrence of procreation.

Another reason for this increased sexual drive, according to the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction is women have become more comfortable with their bodies and have a more intimate knowledge of what brings them pleasure, more self-confidence. Women as they grow and age acquire a stronger sense of self, which then drives their sexual desires. This intimate knowledge with body and self enables pleasure and orgasm, either through intercourse or penetration with a partner, clitoral stimulation, foreplay, oral sex or use of a sex toy.

While this new surge of libido is coursing through you, do you jump on the man stocking the yogurt at your local Trader Joe’s? I say no.

Best place to connect with this increased desire is with yourself. Accept that this change, like many more to come, is happening. Women fluctuate in their sexual desire, response and intimacy through all stages of their lives. This is just one of them. With your partner, open communication about your increased desire. As with anything that passes with time like wine, cheese, sex gets better with age. The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported in their study that women ages 40 and up were more satisfied with their sex lives, and nearly 70 percent were reaching orgasm.

If you find that your increased sex drive has occasionally frustrated you, explore relieving and diffusing this tension. You can self-stimulate the clitoris and g-spot, or treat yourself to a new sex toy and sensual lubricant. Explore using sex toys to help release some of the pent up sexual frustration if you’re without a partner or they are not around.

If the idea of being in this state is bewildering because it doesn’t fit with your personality, let go of any stereotypes. You’re not a cougar, you’re not a slut. Instead enjoy this time of your life and your desire and sexuality. As you continue to advance in age, your drive will fluctuate. Reconciling with your sexual desire and self-awareness of being a whole, real woman will lead to a more fulfilling, happier life, in and out of the bedroom.



Author: Judy Santos

Judy Santos is a mother of two, and a late-blooming entrepreneur. She is the founder of OfficeSlice, the San Fernando Valley’s first (and in her opinion) best coworking space. Her latest project is Yasmine’s Room a curated online platform for women offering news, stories and products on love, pleasure and well-being. The things we all need right now is more love, more pleasure, and all around well-being. View all posts by Judy Santos

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