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Dear Ali,

I’m a worried that my sex drive is gone. Is this weird? Is there something I can do to get it going again? I’d love to hear your advice.

Frustrated Mama

Dear Frustrated Mama,

I’m so glad you asked! Not weird at all! And sadly, pretty common. Sex, like a drug or exercise, produces addictive happy chemicals such as dopamine and endorphins. The more you have it, the more you want it. If you go long enough without, you stop the cravings. Other things can be a factor to a low sex drive, such as menopause, hormones, low self-esteem, depression, alcohol, diet, and lack of sleep

or exercise.

So, what can you do to get back into the groove? Get back in touch (so to speak) with your body. Touch yourself. Love yourself. Fantasize. Give yourself permission to feel pleasure. Get a massage! (Even if it’s just a foot rub.) Swap massages with a friend if money is tight. Or go to a massage school for one that will be low-cost.

Do what makes you feel amazing. What puts the strut in your step? Is it red lipstick? A new item of clothing? Completing a challenging task? Maybe a day off? Exercise? Have lunch with an upbeat friend. Go for a power walk. Go dancing! Get your blood flowing. The better you feel about yourself the more you will want to touch yourself … and subsequently, the more people will want to touch you.

If you’re concerned there might be a deeper issue, or if this persists, don’t hesitate to consult a therapist or your medical doctor. Consider having your hormones tested. Make sure it’s not a side effect to a medication you are currently taking. Talk to someone about depression and lack of sexual desire. They may suggest taking herbal supplements to increase
your libido.

Now, go touch yourself!




Author: Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

Ali Dubin, M.A., CPC is a psychospiritual, humanistic, intuitive, practical counselor and life coach working with individuals, couples, and families in southern California or by video all over the world. She lectures on love, self-love, giving and receiving love, and on love languages. Ali has worked with LGBTQ families for more than 25 years. She is also a professional freelance portrait photographer, a Second City-trained improviser, proficient in American Sign Language, and best of all, a mom to two daughters. She is currently completing her doctorate in Psychology-Marriage and Family Therapy. View all posts by Ali Dubin, MA, CPC

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