Who’s to Blame?
By Mel Rosenstock
“What I have found time and time again, through my own experience and through that of clients, is when you outwardly place blame on another person, it is actually a shortcoming of your own which you aren’t owning. ”
The blame game is a dangerous game to play, especially when you are outwardly placing the blame. Meaning, you are pointing the finger at someone else. When you do this, you are casting a judgement based upon an expectation you have of someone else. That’s already a slippery slope, which I’ve shared about before in a previous article. (link to expectations article – http://www.realmomdaily.com/expectation-vs-intention/)
What I have found time and time again, through my own experience and through that of clients, is when you outwardly place blame on another person, it is actually a shortcoming of your own which you aren’t owning. Say what? Yes, I just turned that finger you are pointing at someone else to point it back at yourself.
There are going to be countless reasons and excuses for why you think you are certainly not to blame and it is all on the other person. Your child forgot his lunch, so now you will be late for work, or your spouse doesn’t openly share his feelings, so now your relationship is struggling. One example is obviously more extreme than the other, but they both showcase the same issue when placing blame on another person. You are taking yourself out of the equation.
It’s important to realize when the blame gets placed on another, you are missing your responsibility in the situation. Even in the instances when you feel that there is no possible way you are to blame for whatever the situation is, chances are very good, you do have a role. I would even argue if you think there is no way you are to blame, then actually, you are the only one to blame. You often fail to see this when you are so close to the issue, and it becomes a shield of sorts, or a safety mechanism to protect your ego.
This is not meant to omit the admission of fault by another, because I get it, it is not fair to think you are the only one to blame when something goes wrong or doesn’t happened as planned. It is more about taking ownership of your role in these situations, and being aware of how you react or how your failure to act creates your current reality. Outward blame is disempowering, whereas when you accept the finger being pointed back at yourself, you are stepping into your full power by acknowledging your role. It is from this place, when your awareness creates an empowered reality. I’m sure you’ll accept the “blame” for that!