SEX! If you got past this headline,, maybe it’s not living up to your expectations. Maybe you’ve fallen into a boring rhythm. There is hope! Why not try spicing things up?

The key to enjoying anything intimate is the willingness to be vulnerable. So some of what I’m about to suggest might bring out the shy in you. Consider letting your partner know beforehand that you’re feeling somewhat “naked”— chances are that he or she will be very supportive.

Scaled For Your Pleasure

  1. Whether you’re a novice at Spiceville or handing out business cards as a specialized dominatrix, talking can be your best friend when it comes to intimacy. Talking creates trust and is the gateway for better results in all its forms. Some easy openers:

Of the positions we’ve tried, what’s your favorite? Missionary? When I ride you?

Is there a position you want to try that we haven’t yet tried? Reverse wheelbarrow? Standing? Reverse cowgirl?

I’m feeling kind of adventurous. Would you be open to trying new things? Doggy style? On the kitchen counter while you feed me berries? Role-play? Toys?

I really like it when you go down on me using your mouth and fingers. I read that if you put an ice cube in your mouth it can really take it to a new level. Wanna try? Then we can switch!

  1. Undress each other. Although this can be a little uncoordinated, there is something very intimate about slowly undressing your partner. Let them relax while you take soft control. Give them a kiss every time a new body part is exposed. Blindfold them and caress their skin in different places while playing on their senses (smell, temperature, sound). The guessing game is a solid recipe for heat.
  2. Take control. Sometimes all you need to do is tell your partner straight, “I want you in bed naked now.” Grab them by the hand, take them into a bedroom with candles lit and a selection of oils by the bed that you’re going to rub them down with. Taking charge includes undressing them and telling them what you want them to do, i.e. “Lay down and watch me,” “Now undress me,” “Take the lube and rub down with it, like this.”
  3. Scents, lotions and oils. Regular skin lotions can be good for massages but Kama Sutra Oil is for when you’re ready to step it up. There is a wonderful selection of different oils that promote sexy times and smell amazing, too. There are also lubes that go hot and cold. You might find you have a high threshold for extreme sensations, in which case you’re looking for something like Tiger Balm. Rub it on the nipples and wait for some inhibitions to come down. (Always test on a small area beforehand so that you’re not making an embarrassing phone call to 911.) Also, make sure to put a towel down beforehand so you don’t have to deal with a big cleanup afterward. And depending onwhere you’re using your lubes, make sure it’s safe to consume!
  4. In an age during which couples might text more than they phone-talk, if you’re feeling frisky and your significant other isn’t there to scratch your itch, nothing says I miss you like, “If you could have your way with me right now, what would you do?” There are settings on your phone to make sure sensitive conversations are kept behind secure walls. Especially for parents— you want to make sure these conversations are locked with a password.
  5. Role play. Role-playing can be as simple as reenacting the first time you met, a “Superman and Lois Lane” fantasy, or even rape fantasy, which is surprisingly common. When it comes to your comfort level and intimacy with your partner, there should be no judgment, and plenty of open communication about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. If you decide to go extreme and test out more dominant/submissive role playing, always make sure you have a safe word to stop the play if need be.
  6. Let’s be real: Sometimes what we’re born with isn’t enough. Thank goodness for the age of technology and all the interesting little things out there that keep us guessing . I refer you to for research and fun with your significant other. They have discreet shipping and great deals. Check reviews first and get ready to open your world.
  7. Record it. Disclaimer: Recorded footage is susceptible to unwanted sharing. Now that you’ve been warned, creating a video of your most intimate moments isn’t just something you can watch together as a warm-up but also a confidence booster. Your significant other finds you sexy; ask them to show you their favorite moments. If you’re not ready to record, try doing it in front of a mirror first.
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